Why I should have stayed in bed this morning

If I had stayed in bed this morning, maybe I wouldn’t have looked in the mirror only to find that a MASSIVE ZIT OF DEATH had erupted on my chin.

Perhaps if I were not in such a rush to get to work, I wouldn’t have left my apartment to walk the dog without keys or my cell phone. I wouldn’t have had to knock on the doors of my neighbors before 8am until one of them answered in her pajamas, and allowed me to use her phone. I wouldn’t have stood there cursing myself, as I could not for the life of me remember my own boyfriend’s cell phone number. I wouldn’t have had to call directory assistance to connect me with some random locksmith to come save me and let me into my apartment for a gazillion dollars.

If I stayed in bed I wouldn’t have taken my mentally unstable dog for a walk, and he would not have attempted to kill the neighbor’s gardener while my back was turned to pick up poo. (Don’t worry, there was no blood and the dude’s not pressing charges. Could be worse.)

If I stayed in bed I wouldn’t have arrived at work almost an hour late, only to look over reports from the weekend and discover that the new project is failing miserably.

Hind sight is 20/20 you know.